Thankless Receiving.

As I enter into this Thanksgiving week, several ideas and thoughts are running through my mind and heart. I'm struck by the fact that, for some reason, I think that being content is something that doesn't take conscious effort. I just want contentment to fall upon me like a summer rain. Slowly realizing that is not going to happen. It takes work. A retraining of the mind and spirit. I'm also realizing that I can't just decide "oh yeah, I'm going to be content". I need to start with small steps and start to build of life of gratitude.
I've always held several different "lists" in my head over the years. A list of rigorous qualities that my ideal husband would surely possess. A list of career goals and degrees I want to attain. A list of how I want to improve my appearance. These lists linger in my mind and inhibit contentment in my life.

As many people do, I habitually find myself comparing myself with others. One of the biggest things that seems to strike me as I do this is that ... it seems like my life really isn't going anywhere. Like I've been "stuck" for 25 years. Now, if you know me, you may very well be saying "well, that doesn't make sense - you've attained so much- college degree, job, etc". This is true. It's just so hard to keep in perspective as you compare yourself to others. People that I graduated high school with are moving around the country, getting married, starting families, buying houses. Now, in the same breathe, I must also remind myself of those that I also graduated high school with who are now divorced, 4 kids, dead-end job, no education. That may sound judgemental, perhaps it is, but I'm glad that I'm not on that path.

I'm content. Wait. I'm deciding to embrace the small steps necessary to nourture an attitude of gratitude! That sounds good. I'm on the road toward true contentment. How about that?
I'm thankful that I can sit on my bed with my laptop and write a blog in peace. Yes, it's the little things like this that I so often forget ... so many people don't have that luxury. There really is a contentment in my solitude that I know many people do not have. For that, I'm thankful. I can sit here on a chilly November night, light some candles, download some music, and write a blog. All is well with the world.