Spring Break 2010

It's 2010!! It's April 2010. Ugh. I'm a horrible blogger. But I need to get going on here if I'm going to have any recollections from my twenties (I've been deleting pics like crazy from my laptop cause I have no space left on this thing)

There are three days left of my Spring Break from teaching. It's been very uneventful for me. 'Boring' would actually be the best descriptor. It stinks sometimes because being on break from work really makes me realize how alone I can really feel. It's exaggerated in a sense.
I'm sitting at Caribou (that phrase will probably sum up my late twenties nicely), fooling around on Facebook and listening to music. Is this what I should be doing as a 27 yr old?
What are my options? At least I'm not at the mall shopping, right?

Would I really rather have a husband and a kid on my hip? I don't know anymore! Can I just admit that for a moment.

Ok, that feels better. I don't know anymore what I want. Praise God. Glad I don't have to try to figure this all out (although I continue to try)

So, here's to Spring Break 2010. Caribou. Facebook. Music. Me.

Christmas 2009

Merry Christmas 2009.
About an hour left of Christmas for this year. It's been an interesting time for me.
It's been hard, but I'm always blown away by God's goodness and faithfulness.
I'm blessed with some pretty amazing people in my life. Friends that God has led me to and brought into my life very purposely.
My mom and dad took off to Florida a few days ago. Quite an impromptu trip. Sooo, yeah, no Christmas festivities with them. It was tougher than I initially thought. It would be a different story if I was married. That's all I'm gonna say about that.
"Depression is a jealous lover" - that's right. Praise has been my weapon this week. In those moments when I feel completely alone, God continues to remind me of his love and promises.
This Christmas was tough, but good. I love the qualities that God is showing me that he wants to grow in my life. I love that he continues to show me the qualities that he doesn't want to grow in me too =)
It has been an emotional last few days. Just thinking about the family that I'm praying for - hoping for, longing for - aahhh - I get chocked up every time I think about it. My husband is out there somewhere. I know it and believe that even now God is up to something special. Looking forward to making memories in the future. I will praise Him in the waiting... Merry Christmas.

It's Been Awhile!!

I haven't posted in over a year!! Totally a blogging drop out! Let's see, what can I say to make up for the lost blogging time. Hhhhmm.
I'm learning a lot, growing a lot. God is gooooood.
It's almost Christmas. I'm sitting in Caribou. This has been by home away from home starting this past summer as I finished my Master's degree. So glad that's over! Now, instead of writing papers, I spend hour on Facebook in here. We're working on that =)

So, yeah, maybe I'll get back into the whole blogging world. Happy December!

Conference Night Thoughts.

In the life of a school teacher, the ritual of parent-teacher conferences is an unavoidable event.
Being able to sit down with the parents of the students who you spend a majority of your day with is actually something that I do find informative and very necessary. Today was that day and I'm struck by the lessons that I seemed to learn from my evening. Who knew lessons of perspective, thanksgiving, and spiritual insight could come from a parent teacher conference night?
Perspective is critical. For some reason, I seemed to gain valuable insight into the reality of home life for many families. The daily struggles of attempting to raise a family and 'make it' can oftentimes become lost upon someone such as myself. It's strange too because we all know, of course, raising a family is no easy task, even with the resources that you need. I "know" that, but God seemed to be revealing a deeper, richer reality as far as what that looks like in the lives of those around me. The need is great. Parents need the skills to be able to provide consistent discipline, encouragement, and academic support for their child. In so many situations, I'm reminded of a psychological theory proposed by Abraham Maslow back in the day, circa 1940, let's say.
Basically, this hierarchy is depicted as a pyramid and, if the basic needs at the bottom of the pyramid aren't met, then you can't move up the pyramid and 'self-actualize'.
This is getting too academic! haha. ok, well, basically, what I'm trying to say is many families are struggling to provide those foundational needs and, therefore, unable to provide the support necessary in other realms of academic and personal growth for their children.
This struggle just seemed to become a little more real to me tonight. It's hard for me to even imagine being a parent, the thought is mind blowing in many regards.
This is where I transition into a deeper gratitude for the season of life I find myself in at this point. To those of you with families, of course, the rewards and benefits are surely of a level that cannot quite be put into words. Sharing memories, seeing growth within and through each other, and just 'doing life together' is surely a blessing that is to be cherished.
Each day I'm learning to embrace where God has me. Seeing opportunity to be thankful for where I'm at is critical. It's nice to be able to sit alone on my couch, listen to some Jon Foreman, and write a blog. I'm increasingly realizing that that daily solitude is something lost to so many people. I'm thankful.

God loves us most when we're at our worst.

God's love is blowing my mind. Pastor Juan had a good word today that I felt was downloaded just for me. "God loves us most when we're at our worst, cause he knows we're one step closer to getting it right". Deidre actually was the one to speak that first. So.. God knows we're going to mess up 69 times (or whatever..only He really knows) we've messed up for the 49th time, God sees us in love in our sin, seeing that we are one step closer. That just really messed with me tonight. That kind of love cannot be fully comprehended. Should sin then increase? No, that would be distorting it. A response of adoration and thanksgiving for that kind of love should follow. Yay God.

Coldplay ~ Oct. 21, 2008 ~ Cleveland

Carrie and I went to Coldplay's Viva La Vida concert last night in Cleveland. It was amazing. I love their music. Our seats were up high but we could still see really well. There were these sphere globes hanging from the ceiling that projected video of the concert on them. They were sweet. There would also be random colors and designs on them throughout the show.

There was also a point in the show when Chris Martin said "we'll be back in 30 seconds" and we assummed that they were gonna take an ultra quick break or something. Instead, they ran off stage and through the corridor and ran all the way up into the crowd a few hundred feet away. They sang a few songs right up there wit the people who were "in the back". It was great and totally unexpected.

I loved everything about the show, except when it ended. It seemed short.

I took my first personal day today too. It was about time :)

Fall is Here.

This may be my favorite time of year, as far as seasons go. The air is changing, no longer summer but oftentimes not cool enough to need a jacket. It's beautiful.
October is upon us.
Here I am. The apartment dweller that I am. Two and a half months on my own! Very cool. What a journey I'm on! As always, God has been faithful through everything and will continue to be. He's the best roommate I could ever ask for. This weekend has had a tinge of loneliness, although I'm thoroughly convinced that this season is preparing me for big plans that God has for me. I was alone all day, as I am many days actually, but it just seemed to stand out to me today. Spent the morning doing some work for my grad class, went to the mall, and then grocery shopping. All alone. Made dinner. Alone. And here I am. But I'm not alone, I know, I know. My heart is at peace while at the same time my aloneness stood out today.
I'm setting the foundation for my family. It is exciting to think about, to speak life into those areas of my present life that are non-existent. I'm speaking life into the family that God is going to put together. He will. I know He will. The husband who I've never met. I'm setting an amazing foundation now for the life that we will have together. My heart wants to explode when I think about it. NOW.. faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen. I love the NOW. It's right now. .. while I'm sitting alone in my apartment, praying for the family that God will bless me with, for His glory. I'm developing discipline and a life that God is molding daily. It's exciting.

Goodbye Summer.

A new season of my life has begun. Summer is over, we've been in school for four days already. It is very hard to believe that this is my third year of teaching. My prayer is for a peace and trust in God to just invade every aspect of my life. It's been such a long journey and I still have a long way to go here. God's kingdom always moves forward. It never goes backward. I'm thankful for that and I'm determined to move forward in my life.. growing and learning from mistakes.
I thank God for never letting go of me. I've failed him so many times. Even this day, I feel like I've slipped a little bit as far as the progress I've been making goes. Here's what will be different, though. I won't give up. I won't look back. I'm looking ahead, not letting mistakes destroy me like I have before. Giving myself grace is such a hard thing for me. Satan would have completely destroyed me by now if it weren't for Jesus. I'm certainly not letting him have any strongholds on me. I won't be destroyed by his lies and deception.
It's been a pretty good weekend here. Somewhat lonely. I've been living all on my own for a month and a half already! wow. Thats hard to believe. Went to the fair yesterday with Jessie, Dan, and her aunt, uncle, and cousins. Got some good food!
So, here's to another Labor Day - the end of summer. I'll never forget this summer. I've been learning a lot. Growing...oh so slowly...but surely. Praise God.

I'm making big decisions. Signed a lease for my first apartment a week ago. I move in one week.

I've been talking about moving for years now and I honestly believe that this is going to be a turning point in my life. I realize that moving isn't a 'cure all' for the issues that I've struggled with the past few years, but I certainly believe that it's a step in the right direction for me.

This is going to be tough. A good kind of tough, though. An adult, mature, responsible toughness. Exactly what I need. I know that I am capable and ready for this but it's still nerve-wracking.

I've just been praying for the place, the apartment building, the people already living there. I want it to be a good experience. I have to remember too that I didn't sign a 30 yr. mortgage, it's a one year lease! I'm not locked in forever by any means. It's a small, cute place on the bottom level of an apartment building.

I've already bought some stuff and I need to get some furniture very soon here. I'm excited. God has always been faithful and I know that he will provide for me as I enter into this new season. I hate my doubt. It's gonna be a tight budget. But, again, when has he ever left me hanging? Never. I need to keep that on my heart as I enter this week and prepare for this move.

I can't forget this season.

I never want to forget this season. I can barely find the words to accurately describe it. Let's just say "it sucks". I can't go on like this and I know it. Here's the quote of the hour for me - "people don't change until the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of changing".

Honestly, I'm not quite there yet. Not quite in enough pain. That makes me mad. Cause I should be. I know I'm going to do this. Somehow, someway, I know that I'll be able to look back at this post and remember. I'll be glad because I'll know, really know, God's faithfulness and I'll believe in myself. So, I suppose all hope isn't lost. I just want to remember. I so easily forget these seasons. Then I end up in them again. I don't want that to happen.

Ugh. here I am.